Stephens Blogspot

I haven't updated since Monday because I have not been well. This week has been a very uncomfortable week. While the pain has been minimal, I have been super exhauseted, and actually been sleeping during the day, which I have not been able to do since being on the cortisone. I can't quite explain the discomfort, but it feels to be near the kidney area, and I did do a urin stick, and it was showing very low protein, which would indicate issues with the urinary system from the kidneys. It was a very low possitive for proteins so will check again in a few days. My eyes are also super blurry this week, and whether I use glasses or not they remain blurry, with double vision being very bad as of late.

Nausia has also been an isuse all week, while I didn't throw up, I have been close on a number of occasions this week, especially on Monday afternoon after taking the Methotrexate. Mondays case was at least the final day in court and the judge found that the state had no case, as we all already knew. It was a ludicrous charge to start with, how the state thought it wise to take it to court only they will know. The obviously thought that intimidation would work, because I was raising awareness on the corruption.

Botswana is supposedly the lowest corrupt country in Africa, but this only shows how corrupt other countries infact are.

I have awoken to a very bright sunny morning, and I feel as though I could sleep for another 3 months, I am super tired, and shakey, and have back pain around the kidney area down to my buttox, I also have the gout like pain in my foot, it is however subsiding. My mind not as clear today as it was a few days ago. Today I was due in court, for the vertict of the ludicrous charge of common nuisance for calling the police useless. I went to the court house and was advised the case will be called at 14:00, as my lawyer traveling the 700km from Gaborone to Ghanzi has had car trouble, but it also sounds as if the case will be postponed yet again, as it sounds like the judge is not ready to deliver the verdict. So the stress of this hanging over my head continues as ludicrous as it is. I guesse the police everywhere are not interested in delivering law and order, as it would seem no country is exempted for having officers that abuse the systems for their own gains. As it is I have submitted yet more complaints to the various government entities about the various liqour outlets that openly violate their regulatory requirements, and no entity enforces the laws meant to protect the public, as people are drunk on the roads posing risk to every road user. In a recent incedent that made national news here, a bloke drove over 5 individuals at a bar, because he was intoxicated and so were the people he had driven over, because its a street party over a national highway. It is this kind of danger I am trying to prevent, as I have had too many a close call with drunk people that are drinking in the middle of the road at these venues, and should I or anyone else knock over one of these drunk revelers, whos then to blame if they so drunk they walk into oncomming traffic.

I have also had numerous close calls with being T-Boned on my way home, where intoxicated drivers have come so close to killing me its not funny. Its for that reason I am not allowing the police to ignore this matter, there have been a number of lives lost, even a school friend, taken from hist babies because a person decided to drive after drinking all night and get into his Heavy Goods Vehicle whilst drunk, and T-Bone in the early hours of the morning. The driver of the truck didn't even get a slap on the wrist is the worst part. That driver took a life and not even a slap on the wrist. It is this that I am standing against. Justice in this country is hardly ever vetted out to the offenders. We find assailants getting off scott free, rapists, murderers and even carear criminals getting off scott free.

In a recent incident a career criminal was apparently on the receiving end of mob justice because the system did not punish him for an assault on a rival "gang" They cut up is achilies tendons, and left him for dead. In my opinion this career criminal should have been in lockup for the rest of his life without parole if justice was served. The guy is known for many rapes, assualts attempted murder, and I believe even murder, but somehow he keeps getting off, how I do not know.

The justice system does not seem to serve the public very well. Even with stock theft, one would think this town is a wild west movie set, where possies are put together to go after stock theives. Police have very little success in convicting stock theives so the community have made a policing forum where members of the community have possies going after the criminals, yes this is like the wild west. The only diffirence is no guns are involved.

It is quite sad that in this day and age one has to resort to this kind of thing, but it would seem everywhere is the same, police do not serve the interest of justice, the police seem to harass, intimidate and violate the public no matter which country it is. I think it has more to do with the bullies that get into uniforms, as it seems this is the kind of person that loves to have a power trip that seeks employment in the police. Obviously there is always exceptions to this, and there are officers that do it for the right reasons.

In the end Im tired of this, and just want to get the case behind me, so I can move on and get healthy again. I think this, the falls, loss, covid and all the other emotional issues over the last 5 years has been the reason why I have fallen ill, all of this has stacked up, and pushed my system into overdrive, attacking itself due to the high stress levels. I am tired of it though, and I just want this to be over, but it would seem justice is being denied. (Justice Delayed is Justice Denied) and it's the truth.

While I'm tired of this, I can not let it go, as if I do what future do we have with police that are a law unto themselves. This is when tyranny sets in, and we see this the world over, where law enforcement terrorises the public.

It is quite a hot day today, sunlight is super bright, hurts my eyes like I am hung over. I have the shakes and exhuasted feeling but only slight pain,except for the gout like pain in the foot. My mouth is super dry, almost desert like parched feeling. My face is quite swolen this morning as are my fingers. I also feel feverish, but think it could be due to the heat. I kind of feel like wind burn sensation on my cheaks as well. Even though I have all the above, I still feel alot better today than I have been in a while, I can think straight, I can force myself to get up, and overcome the exhausted feeling, with a little effort. My eyes I can wear sunglasses, which I will have to make a habbit of doing, as it seems they are slowly getting worse and more sensative to light.
Today is again the Methotrexate day, and again it seems the day I take it is the better of all the days of the week. Glad its on a Monday, cos Monday is when most of the work I do is done.

I feel a little better today, the day started with quite a bit of pain and as it as progressed, I am starting to feel better, and then I had a little dip, felt super exhausted, at this point it was very hot, and I think this played a roll in how I was feeling. The temperature I suspect is close to the mid 40s. It would seem I was a little late to save the swiss chard. They were lying flat, on the very hot soil. I havn't had the energy to get to the Agri Store to buy a few bales of lucern to use as mulch, which will help keep the soil cool, and when we creates evaporative cooling for the plant.

I don't know if they will recover, I think I was a little late in seting the sprayer on them to cool them down. Because of the heat I too was a little droopy, exhausted, and ended up taking a nap, and today I was able to get about half an hour in. It has made me feel somewhat better, I am still having slight pain around my sides, and to the back, and I still have lead like legs, but today it seem only to be the legs, and not the arms and the eyelids. My skin on my face feels like hot coals, but think this is mostly due to the heat of the day. My eyes still super sensitive, and feel like they have sand in them today, could also be the heat. I have also made a plan for the swimming pool so that I can spend time in it over the hottest part of the day without being exposed to direct sunlight, but the water is still far too cold, I have installed a roll of pvc pipe to act as a water heater, since the pool is in the shade it's not warming up. So now I have the pump, pumping water through the pvc pipe, to warm the pool. It is kinda cheap looking but functional. I will when I have better health spend more time creating a pergola over the pool, and extending the roof to meet up with the pergolas roof, as well as extend the verandah/stoep.

So much I plan to do, yet it seems like such a mountain.

I again have super exhausted feeling, and shakes, but pushed through and did some work for a client today. Not yet fully sure if it was wise or not, I am feeling the exertion had an affect on my system. I am super tired, and pain is building, and I didn't even exert myself all that much, consisted mostly of walking 150m over and over and over from one end to another, connecting and testing and setting up a network. It seems to have knocked me. Also had to be in the sun for short periods, and I can feel the rawness even though I didn't burn visably. My skin feels dry, crusty and also feels on fire, but no reddening. I suppose the Methotrexate is to blame for that too, as I was warned that it does cause easier sun burn too. I hope a goods night rest will ease my shakey/exhausted feeling, the bit of pain that I have now I can live with, its not all that bad, it is however constant still. Legs and arms feel lead like,find it hard to keep my eyelids open, and my breathing is also a chore this afternoon, and I can feel each and every beat of my heart like someone beating on a drum. My head however feels clearer today than most in the last couple of months. Still don't think I should be anywhere near a rotary machine that can cause loss of digits or limbs, not yet confident enough to do any of that sort of work.

Today we also have had the first real sprinkle of rain for our rain season, I hope it's not just a once off and then 3 months without rain. We are in desperate need of some decent precipitation. The Kalahari is parched this time of the year, and everything from the plants, to the birds and animals are in deep need of the nourishing waters from above. It has at least pushed back the heat a little, increasing the Humidity and cooling down ever so slightly, I believe tonight will be quite cool, which is also a welcome break from the Kalaharis incesent heat over the October period which we call suicide month, cos you willing do do anything to get some respite from the heat.

We have a few red billed francolin that are inching nearer in the evenings, here in town of all places. We have started feeding them in the evenings, and they are befriending us, and actually come and ask as in the evenings for their little bonus. The started as just a pair and now they are up to 7 that come in the evenings. I quite enjoy sitting outside when they come for their little bonus handfull of grains. The arrive with a kackle and leave with a kackle. Happy to have had enough to go sleep with a fully belly.

Ill see if I can get a couple of photos of them when I can.

It would seem I have lost a couple of days, since the 14th I did not post by the looks of it. I thought I had. I had been out to the in-laws farm, and then back in this time. I have had quite a bit of pain, but the tired feeling wasnt as bad. Today I woke with alot of pain, but a little movement and it has disipated, but the shakey tired exhausted feeling is quite overwhelming today, my eyes are super light sensitive, and I can feel as the days heat increases the worse the exhausted feeling is getting. I also had a migraine last night, that no meds was taking away, this is a listed side affect of the drugs. I have been given a new lot of meds to take as well, but it has its risks too. Liver toxicity being one of the major ones, so will have to keep an eye on that, and as it is I've had liver issues, with the iron overload. I am super tired, I feel as though as I could sleep for a week solid. Sometimes this tiredness just gets me down, as much as the pain does. Tired of being sick and tired!

I have so much to do in the next two days work wise, I just hope I will be able to.

Evening Update: The day was kind of OK except for the pain a short while after waking, but I have not been able to shake they shakey exhausted feeling, I think I will be turning in earlier than usual tonight if all works out. Having a toddler in the house sometimes what you would like and what actually happens don't quite allign. So hopefully she will go down earlier, her afternoon nap was short, so hopefully things will allign and we both get to bed earlier.

Yesterday I was quite tired, and shakey, with a little bit of back pain higher up than normal, more where the kidneys are, and more on one side than the other, I believe my right kidney paining. Today I have been fairly OK, with again the slight kidney pain from time to time, my eyes still blurry at times, varies through the day. Today was my Methotrexate day, and what I have noticed that this is the day that I actually feel the best and today has been no diffirent than the previous 3 weeks. I expect to be hit with the exhaustion again tomorrow through to Thursday, but will wait and see. I am slowly feeling better, but I won't easily miss my dose of meds again, boy that hurt. When the pain creeps up it's not so bad but it comming on suddenly makes it worse. I hope to get more done this week coming though...that said if I can.

Evening update: My mouth is super raw feeling this afternoon, and I have been having pains on the rightside just bellow the short ribs mostly on the right sid, and my right eye is also more blured than the left.

I didn't post yesterday, as I was in so much pain, I hardly moved all day. In the evening when taking my morning dose of meds, I noticed I had not taken my morning meds, so the pain was due to not taking my meds, and has also lead to waking up with an increadible headache bordering on migraine. I feel very feverish this morning, I have the headache, and my skin feels like its on fire on my lower legs and forarms, cheaks and eyes. I also had the heavy pressure on chest and pain again over my chest and breathing was very painful yesterday. Today that has subsided, but I have the super exhausted feeling(shakes). I can only equate the pain that I had to that of having septicemia, with the localised pain at the infection site going throughout the body, with slitghtly less intensity, but excruciating none the less.

I am strugling to keep a train of throught again today, and the heat of the Kalahari is not helping things either. My mental state is super low, I can only think as a result of the pain. Its not fun hurting all over, the worst part is when people look at you, you look fine save for the depressed look. I have started getting rashes over my chest with inflamed spots just from skipping one dose of cortisone. I am also buising very easily, I discovered a bruise under my bicep that I have no idea what caused it. Some of my finger nails have had pain as if I have banged them with a hammer. The moonface(puffy swolen) has returned again today. The inside of my mouth is shedding layers of skin, and this has made it super raw at times.

My eyes this morning feel as though I have been welding without goggles, like a mild case of arc-eyes, and are super light sensative.

In all honesty sometimes I feel like crawling up into a ball and dieing...this pain is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It hurts so bad!

This morning I have awoken feeling fairly good, I still have pain but low level in back and legs, but not so bad, I am also not got the exhausted feeling, but I do have lead like legs though. my head feels fairly clear I think I will make use of the time to make the wooden box form today.

Today is another dose of the Chemo drug Methotrexate, so Ill expect to be going downhill again for a day or three, especially the nausia....this seems to be the worst side effect of the drug, then I also get buring eyes if I touch anywhere around my eyes, I also get some Gastric upset as well, but thats not too bad. Who would have though a chemo drug would make people feel better.

I am seeing quite an improvement in my health, as well as a huge diffirence in mental health state as well. This I am the most thankful for. I was really low just before starting treatment.

My eyes are still quite blurry, and I have some light sensativity, but dark glasses help for that.

This morning the nausia is not as bad, have very little pain, very little of the exhausted feeling, but I still have quite a bit of brainfog, and my eyes are blurry again this morning. I still can't use machinery because of the brainfog, so I need to wait till a clearer day to be able to make the molds for the concrete. It is back to being extremely hot, but thankfully indoors has held on to the cooler temps, but it wont be for long with this heat. The heat has gone from perfect, to extremely hot over night, this has the affect of draining energy from anyone, especially when its creeped over 35C and heads towards 40's. The humidity is super low, so sweating actually helps, when the humidity climbs and it gets that hot, sweating doesn't help to cool you down.

I find it very difficult to get much done, pushing through the brainfog I can get simple safe tasks done but I know I need to stay away from climbing masts, and machinery. I am getting a little work in drips and drabs for network configurations, which is welcomed.

Woke up today, with very little pain at all, and only blurry vision and dry mouth with very low level pain with bouts of nausia now and then, its been a good day so far. It has been a very mild day today. Ive harvested some barley and gone out and watered the garden moving from shade to shade. The skin on my hands is super dry and flakey, but this doesn't bother me too much, unless it starts to peel and bcomes raw. It really has been a nice and quiet day, very relaxing, and the fact that the cold from South Africas recent snows have now reached us mean we have a very nice summers day here. No need for AC, and outdoors its a prefect comfortable temperature in the shade.

I hope that my eyesight will also start to normalise a little, cos they are so variable even wearing my glasses means I have blurry vision, especially text.

The barley I planted over the winter, is going to be used for seed stock when we get started on the plot, this will be our off season crop, used to feed the livestock and poultry. It is very hard to get grain seeds here, as we are not known to produce grains, but my test show that barley does very well through our winter season, and it's quite drought tollerant, so doesnt require all that much water. Perfect to produce food for the poultry and livestock. I will also be looking at sunflowers for feed, as well as maize, and will hopefully be able to grow sufficient amount to keep stock fed from the land. I

Happy Independence Day to Botswana. While I have nothing to celebrate other than being able to get up this morning and being able to see the happy face of my daughter. Yesterday afternoon I started feeling ill again, and by 9pm I was in quite alot of pain, joints aching, hard to breath again cos of the weighted chest feeling, and got quite a bad headache. I went to bed earlier than usual after taking my evening pills. This morning I have woken with pain in my back between shoulders all the way down and then extending into the legs and knees. My ankels down are OK, I have slight headache my eyes are super blurry, they at least don't have the arc eyes burn today. Yesterday I used a hammer, and managed to stomp my thumb, not too hard, but it still has left a bad bruise and a small blood blister. This is a side affect of both the chemo drug as well as the cortisone drugs. I also have very dry mouth lately. I have taken my 2nd dose of the Methotrexate(chemo drug) today. So I'm expecting it to negativly affect me a little worse that the first dose, since I may still have some in the system. I am told that in time the system will get used to the drug, and in time the side affects may not be as bad.

I have some of the side affects, but overall I think it's not too bad. I get a slight nausia(granted I have nausia for years so Im so used to that feeling) I have had headaches, but not sure if it is as a result of the drugs or not. Have not noticed hair loss, although that too I have lost alot before any drugs. I have a very raw feeling inside the mouth, this too is a side affect of the Methotrexate I believe.

I have noticed that IBS is virtually gone since being on the cortisone, and my gut seems to be much happier, except for after taking the Methotrexate, last week I got the upset stomach and IBS like symptoms for a few days. I will see what this dose holds.

I have setup our portapool for my daughter to enjoy, shes now tall enough to stand in the pool unassisted, although I wouldn't allow her to play in the pool without one of us having a hawk eye over her. She really enjoys the water.

I have setup a tarp over the pool to provide shade, as the African sun is not a joke, the UV can burn in less than 30min, probably also why I ended up feeling super bad yesterday afternoon, as I spent a short while setting up the tarp. The water in the pool is still quite cold, which actually is a relief during these super hot days, a friend measured 43C the other day. Yesterday our house on the furtherest point from the AC unit measured a maximum of 36.9C and a Maximum for the year so far 40.9C this is indoor temperature not outdoor.

Probaly why I've not been feeling so great, and feeling so exhausted, and not getting anything done as outside is like an oven. Our Minimum temperature over the last week has been 21C indoors.

My mental state is not super low, but is still low. I do feel my mental state is improving though, which is very welcomed. The more pain that is aleviated the better my mental state becomes, but feel that I have been super low for so long it's going to take some time to come right.

Pain today is probably 4/10 on my back and 3/10 from my legs down.

I don't have much planned for today, just enjoy a relaxing day.

I went to bed very early last night, I was so exhausted, today I have awoken with a heavy heart due to a dream, the dream upset me quite badly, why I don't know. I have spent a little bit of time outside planting some herbs in our containers, and removed old plants. The turmeric has started growing again, and the new shoots just starting to break through the soil.
Today although a very sad heart from the dream, I have 2/10 pain, but that lead legs and arm feeling quite heavy as well. It would seem as if the chemo drug has run its course with the side effects, other than a little light headedness, I don't have that blah! feeling from it. Just the lead feeling (shakey and heavy) with a low level of pain. My head not quite clear, but not as foggy as other days. My eyesight is super sensitive this morning, and I would equate it to the light sensativity from a hang over.
I feel slightly feverish especially in my core (center body mass) normally I feel it in my head but today it seems more in the body. I am also feeling a slight burning in my stomach this morning, not quite like the hunger type pain I have had, but more like a hot coal.
I also can feel my heart beat heavy, and with every beat it feels like energy is draining. I think these microvibrations/shakes saps the energy, and the hotter it is the more energy is lost.
I am super tired already, and again even thinking clearer I still can't keep a thought trail going. I'm kinda like a gold fish, 3 seconds and my mind is elsewhere.

I am feeling improvement, but it is slow going, and some days better than others.

I woke this morning with a starting migrain, had my breakfast, and the handfull of tablets including something for the headache, I don't have very much pain, but I have the very blah! feeling Exhausted and shakey, it's effort to keep my eyelids open, but not sleepy if that makes any sense.Almost as if a brick is attached to the eyelids. I have tingly buring hands today, and they are starting to peel in spots. My upper legs feel like they have lead attached to them, I have slight pain in the hips and lower back, but 1/10 I would say.
I have a feeling of head congestion a foggy dumb feeling(I don't quite know how to explain it) I am struggeling to keep a train of thought going. I have a ever so slight weighted chest feeling, this has aliviated quite alot from 3 weeks ago when it was so painful to breath.

Deciding on what to eat seems to be a daily challenge, I eat alot of fruits (Apples, Pears and Bananas) but our main meal in the evenings is always a chore to decide what to eat, as we have very limited vegitables. I grow what I can and we eat what we have in the garden but this gets quite repetative as we only have limited vegitables in any part of the season, currently lettuce, cabage and carrots. This basically accompanies every meal, but is getting a little monotonous.
We don't have shortage of meats, meats are cheaper than veg here, but also I should only be eating small portions of meat due to the iron overload.
I have also yet to find any foods that trigger any worsening symptoms. It would be nice to know what causes worsening or triggering of the lupus symptoms, but have not been able to link anything yet.

I do know I can't tolerate as much fatty meats as I used to. The flavour is in the fat, but can't tolerate much fat anymore. It makes me nausious, but I don't get any worsening symptoms that I can tell other than the nausia. but it's also very difficult to say, as one day I feel better than the next.

I do know from previous experience that when we go to the coast and I eat predominantly seafoods I feel a thousand times better. I aways thought it was the release of the stress, which could still be, but think the diet along with the cooler ocean weather made me feel better.

I completed the video of the Plot walk, again I am still learning, and hope it's not too boring, Ill put more effort into videos when I feel better, currently Im just doing videos of the surrounds, in time I will get better, and once I know more I will get infront of the camera. I don't like being in front of the camera, but will do a vlog series once I have started healing more.

I am no editor either, so I have alot to learn, but learning when unable to concentrate is also not that easy. I don't have any comment section on this page, but you are welcome to leave a comment under the videos.

I hope it's not too much of a bore, and thing progress very slowly as Im not getting out to do much, but do try on the days that I feel slightly better.

Anyway agian to all fo you, thank you, I wouldn't get anywhere without you all. Its slow progress for me, but your help means that I am still seing progress, and for that I can't say thank you enough.

This morning I don't feel as bad, still have pain all over(lower back kidney area down to tailbone, and upper legs are worse), and nausia. It really not as bad a yesterday, I have a little brain fog, but its also not too bad. I have the exhausted feeling (I wish I could shake this) also not that bad, but can feel the energy being sapped as the temperature and sun rise higher. I am going to be making molds for the casting the stays in concrete today, if my head remains clear enough to operate machines.

Afternoon update: I have had quite a bit of nausia today, but not too drastic, pain subsided a little, and has then come back. My eyes still dry and burning, and have quite a bit of brainfog at times. I also have had hunger like pain all day, and eating doesn't get it to stop.

UV is quite high today. I did go out to the plot and had the stabaliser post holes dug(I wouldnt be able to) by hiring 2 labourers for the afternoon. I didn't get round to making the concrete molds, but will nock them together quickly before going out with some concrete.

Slow and steady. I did get some footage of the property which I will edit together and put up. You will hear it's suicide month, the cicadas going crazy in the background. At this stage Im not really setup for audio or video recording, so please bear with me I am an amature at the videogrophy thing, and I have very little editing skills too.

I have awoken today very weak, and with quite a bit of pain, the shakey feeling is quite bad this morning, I am swolen all over, especially around lips and eyes. It is most likely due to the Chemo drug Methotrexate. I really feel rundown this morning, almost as if I was hit by a train. I am sleepy tired already, and feel as though I could crash for a week.
The weather is looking good though, overcast and dark, our sister town in Namibia(Gobabis) had some rain already so who knows, we just might get some early rains, not quite ready for the rains as I still have lots to do before I can sow any seeds, but won't not want the rain, in a dry place like the Kalahari the rolling thunder of a storm is alway welcomed.

I don't know if I will get much done today, I feel very weak, although I do have a starlink dish that I have to go link up to a clients network, so whether or not I am feeling up to it or not, I need to go and do it.

Evening Update: I installed the starlink kit, and came home around 2pm, I have been super weak, and in quite a bit of pain, but can't say where it is, its all over, and the last time I felt this kind of pain was when I had blood poisoning as a child. Its not the normal aches and pains. I also have hunger like pain sensation on the stomach, as well as nausia. The nausia I was expecting to be worse though, so far the nausia hasn't been that bad.
I took a nap from about 5-6pm but awoke just as tired, but in a little more pain. I have pain with each breath, and I can kind of explain it like having over inflated lungs pushing out on the diaphram, so the ribs in that area are sore.
I have eaten a full meal, so nausia is not so bad, that I have lost appetite. My eyes are dry, nose and mouth too, eyes are burning though, and the blurred vision is quite bad today, that even reading glasses are not working.

I am late to update today. I was a little busy today, had some work that needed doing. I woke this morning with a headache again, not just a little one but full headache, had minor aches and pains which gradually got worse, but today the feeling of exhaustion was much less, and the shakes barly noticable.

I also had some back ache in the lower back to kidney area, and some in the legs. Overall today has been quite bearable, I have aches in my finger joints from my thumb to middle finger on both hands, this is is known to be an issue with iron overload, and I suspect my iron is climbing again. It was high on the previous bloods, but not overly high.

I went to the doctor again today, didn't have blood works done today, but started the Chemo drug Methotrexate on a low 7.5mg dose. The drug is an imunosupressant in Lupus and Inflamitory Arthritis it is used to suppress the imune response, reducing the risk of long term damage that the inflamation causes, and also helps protect lupus sufferes from organ damage caused by the inflamation when the body attacks its own cells.

It is used in higher doses it's used in Leukaemia Cancers and Lymphoma as well as breast and bladder cancers.

I already have hair loss with a 1" size balding spot in the middle of my head near the forehead, TRUMP combover engaged!

I suspect that since I am already having hairloss, I will be seeing more of this, so far I have not experienced any adverse affects from taking it, but I'm told that up to 3 days after taking it the affects can be fealt.

I have been given cortisone cream to put on the fingers to help stop them from peelingm they currently feel numb almost like when one has superglue layer over, I think the top most layer has already died, and is going to peel in the coming days to weeks.
Overall I think today has been semi-productive, with little pain and little of that shakey exhaused feeling. My mind seems clearer, although I still have moments where I have heavy fog, but it hasn't been constant today.

I have awoken again with a slight headache, but pain levels 2/10 with a little pain in the left foot and lower back, this is the least pain I have for as long as I can remember, even having the headache. I don't have the bad shakey feeling as much today, today I feel almost normal, except my eyesight is very blurry today, I have a little upset stomach and some IBS today, but not really bad, just some discomfort with a slight lead legs and arms.

Mental state is a little better, but still low, and I still feel as if an elephant is still sitting on my chest. I am seeing improvement, but also see that one day can be better, then the next worse, and I have not been able to say if it's something that I have done, or eaten, I can not link any foods with feeling worse, it almost seems random, except I have noticed physical exertion knocks me back quite a bit.

I will see what tomorrow holds, and if it's a good day I may go out and concrete the corner stabaliser stays in place, then its not far till I can put up the fence wire itself.

I haven't been out to the property in 2 weeks now I think. I need to get things done else I'll not get it done before the rains start. We have already had the first drops fall last week, not enough to even wet a layer of ground, but precipitation none the less. So I'll need to get the ball rolling faster to get the area fenced off and prepared for planting or I may miss out.

I have been looking at the next step, water source; while we already have a 220v pump in the borehole and is able to supply water running a Generator, this is way too expensive to run for any form of irrigation. I am looking at ways to be able to get a solar controller that runs without batteries, just using PV but have yet to find a suitable controller, or pricing. I feel it's better to go this route, rather than replace with dedicated solar system, as if anything goes wrong, with the pump, I can source parts or even replacements very easily. It's only an issue if the controller goes wrong, but then again it would be the same for dedicated solar pumps. The problem with solar pumps like grundfos is that they are not servicable, which means that if anything goes wrong, its the entire pump that needs replacing. So I think the option of getting a controller running regular single phase 220v pump would be the better option, that way if anything goes wrong with the controller there is a plan that can easily be made using generator or even portable solar systems. The pump I have already is a 0.55KW which is quite small, and would run on many smaller inverters as well. It's yield is not all that much 5000L/H but enough for the area that we intend on irrigating for now. So I think the best route is to get a 220v controller that does not require batteries to run the current pump.

While typing this I got up to go and do something, and I knew I had to go to our storage shed in the back yard, but upon arriving in the shed I couldn't remember what I went to go do. This is happening more often than I like. I have come back inside in the hope that I can remember what I went to go do, but still I sit here trying to remember what it was that I went to do.

I am really going crayzy, gave up on thinking about what I went to do, then went to kitchen an heard our water pressure pump kick in then it hit me, I had gone to bathroom and saw the toilet water leaking into the bowl, I had gone to see if I had a rubber seal in a toilet kit that I bought for the float. I don't know if its meds that cause this or not, but its scares me sometimes how short my memory is, and how I can't concentrate.

Yesterday I did not update, I was in court the whole morning only to be told the case is postponed. Great, for my health! Increased stress in anticipation for the finalisation, only to be told nope next month. After getting out, I went out to help a client, and while there I developed fever, such that I had to stop and come home. I didn't have much pain yesterday and today I have woken with slight back pain and that "gout" pain in the foot has lessened slightly. I can almost walk normally today.

I think the weather plays quite a large roll in how I feel, as today and yesterday has been slightly cooler weather, and I feel beter with the cooler weather, but I also think diet may have quite a large roll too. I have noticed that after eating lamb, I tend to feel worse, and lamb is our primary meat source, I am wondering if its the fat or the meat, I will start reducing the fat intake from the lamb, and see how that goes(The white meat is the tastiest though) I still have the heavy legs and arms feeling from the microvibrations/shakes, and I woke with a headache this morning, I haven't had one since starting on the cortisone, this is the first one. Took paracetamol and it has virtually gone. I have not taken any hydration salts in the last week, so maybe that is the cause being low on electolytes. It has been hot, so maybe I should take the rehydrate salts more often.

Overall I feel much better today, so every day in a improvement, I feel my mental state has slipped back a notch, but that may be due to the headache, as I still feel as if my head is being squashed in a vise from the headache. I am tired, so will be eating lunch then going to take a super nap to recharge a little. Thankfully our bedroom holds the chill from running the AC through the night, so is nice and cool.

I have not been back out to the Plot this week, I would like to get out in the coming week and I hope to do a walkthrough the planting area, as well as a little "veld" walk
It is very dry at the moment as we are in the driest part of the year, but the trees have started greening. It will look a little depressingly grey and dry, but doing a walkthrough now, and then after the rains start one can see the change that the seasons bring.

Anyway, Ill sign off and have lunch before going for a nap.

Late afternoon early evening update, I unloaded checken feed, 50kg bags, when I was healthier was not a problem, but today, the slight exhertion loading the bags onto a wheelbarrow, and pushing it not even 10m to the containers, and then emptying the bags into the container exhausted me, that the shakey feeling was really bad. I know I should take it easy, but a simple task seems impossible for me, and it is very frustrating. I still have a slight headache this evening even after drinking a rehidration salt pack.

Hopefully the cold in South Africa will reach us this evening, cos I could do with even cooler weather. I really don't mind the cold, one can layer up, but there is no escape from the heat.

I have awoken with very little pain, still have a shakes, my eyesight has improved slightly but still quite blurry. I have the gout like pain in my left foot still and a ever so slight back pain this morning, but my stomach still not happy. I believe it's due to the cortisone, as it has been getting worse after taking med. Maybe due to not haveing large enough meal before taking the meds (I'm not a breakfast eater) So today I have had a larger cooked breakfast to see if it will easy the stomach. Even with the minor foot pain, and stomach upset, my mental state feels uplifted, and I feel much better mentally this morning. Pain levels are back down to about 3/10 mostly the foot, and the discomfort from the belly upset, back is slightly tight but can equate that to similar pain when one has excersized and have stiff achyness.

It heated up quite quickly this morning, can feel the heat building minute by minute, this African sun can be brutal. I was out for a short while 2 days ago in the sun, and the tiny blisters that turn into scabs on my forhead are back. They are so tiny one can not see them, but feel them. Macro lens is required to see them. So Definatly must stay out the sun, but also need to balance exposure so I can still get VitD

I am hoping to get out to the plot this weekend, but that will depend on how hot it gets, we only have a corrigated iron shed, that we use to overnight, and that gets brutally hot as soon as the sun hits it. So may not overnight there this weekend.

Afternoon update: Today has been fairly OK and have been able to do small jobs, I managed to harvest some barley from our test bed in the garden, 650g from about 1sqm, that translates to 6.5Tons per Hectare, which is an excellent yield. Now to find out how to process it further, into a usable product. I have never done grains like this before.

So we have got it down to the berries with the hulls, I now need to know how to dehull the berries, and then they can be ground down ito flour, or I could malt them and make a beer.

Will have more then enough seed to replant when the rains arrive.

Today I have awoken with little pain in most of my body, but have gout like pain on the outside bridge of my foot, putting weight of any sort on the foot is quite painful, and when at rest it has a burning sensation, I have pain in the lower back region near the kidneys. I am not feeling as exhausted, but I still have the shakes/tremble feeling. Brainfog is not too bad this morning, my eyesight is blurry again this morning I have red veins showing in the whites of my eye so obviously affected by the inflamation. My Mental state is not great but but not super depressed either. Tomorrow I have to go to court, 2 years ago I went in to the police station complaining about illigalities at our neighbors and liqour outlets, and this resulted in Police charging myself with a charge of public nuisance, because I had called them useless. Laughable I know, and the fact the officers proceeded is even more so, I was ill at the time as well, and the next day I had gone through to Gobabis, where I was found to have high blood iron(ferratin), and this was cause of high BP. That was probably the start of the journey to getting diagnosed. In anycase I have been advise by our lawyer that I shouldn't wory since it's just a ruling, but I do not trust the justice system, as this country is so corrupt. Its hard not to worry untill you know for sure what the outcome is.

Alot has happened in the last couple of years, and I think much of it combined is what has affected my health, and what is causing my current flare.

I have been wanting to go and put up the corner stays on the posts, but just havn't had the energy or the will this week, and it seems as if the weeks consists of a Monday and a Friday, I struggle to keep track of time, especially when the brain fog is quite bad. I have no idea where the time goes. Its scary to now that you have accompished nothing in that time. I hate that fact. I have so many projects I'd like to complete, but know when I have brainfog, I should be near machinery. I have a few woodworking projects, Elani has asked if I feel up to it, to make a little stove for Jessica, and paint the door with chalk board paint. I have everything to complete the job. Its such an easy job, its building a box with some cutout circles for the hot plate, but I know if I attempt my mind wont be fully on the job and I may get a finger cut off. As it is I cut lamb up into chops and touched the meat saw blade, luckily it was the nonserated area of the blade. That was a warning!

My gut feels much better today, the other day I had such cramps and I still don't know why.

Woke up today with with pain level up 7/10 everywhere aches, joints cracking as I walk, much of the pain coming from lower back (kidney area), hard to breath again this morning, eyes are blurry brainfog. Yesterday afternoon I had a bit of an upset stomach, so think whatever affected my stomach has made today worse. Upside is I don't have a headache, so if I sit still it doesn't hurt so bad.

I am also haveing a little drunk feeling this morning where I feel a very slow spin. eyes are light sensitive as well, and the pain causing a little nausia as well, chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it, my hands and fingers tingle with the finger tips feeling quite raw. I still have the shakey feeling (micro Vibrations) but to a lesser extent this morning, Have this empty hunger pain feeling in my gut, but not hungry.

This morning has been cooler than the past 3 days, but remains hot 25C at 10am with a RH13.7%, and we hade a few drops fall yesterday afternoon.

I have been put in contact with a group in South Africa (Men with Lupus) and they have given some information, and that I shouldn't soley rely on GP for treatment, and they highly advise going to a Rheumatologist. The closest one being Johannesburg 1000km away, and then there is an internist in Windhoek that also does Rheumatology.The problem I now face is the cost of getting to Windhoek, and the cost of the treatement and tests, as this is not paid by the Medical Aid, as out of country treatment is only paid with preapproval, and this is increadibly difficult to get as one is passed from one to the other when calling them, It is so difficult to deal with corporates no matter what industry.

I have awoken with little pain probably 2/10, but the exhausted feeling 8/10, I have a feeling in my tummy that Ive had before, mostly when sick with fly or a tummy bug, the drained feeling feels like its cored at the belly area(I don't know how to explain it) I have microvibration throughout my whole body this morning, my energy is so low it feels like I need to pick up a ton just to move my arms and my legs, my eyesight is also quite blurry today again. The upside is I have very little pain, a little in my back and a little in my left foot (Gout Like) Hopefully the exhausted feeling will subside a little.

I havn't had the energy to travel the 10km to the "plot" this weekend, so havn't been back out, I will hopefully be out there to set the corner stays in the comming days as and when I feel up to getting there. It is super hot these couple of days with indoor temps as high as 39C, and as the heat increases, the more drained Ive been feeling. It is also a very dry heat, sucking the energy out of anyone (Current Humidity Level is 6%) so even when in a cool environment like an airconditioned room you can still feel energy draining as you loose moisture to the air, it's quite draining.

Last night I smoked a sheep rib for dinner, smoking meats is a lazy way of cooking, having to only tend to the fire now and then so that it maintains a good temperature and clean smoke. Turned out quite good, ideally a longer took time with more moisture in the smoker would have made it more tender, but was good none the less.

I have awoken with stuffy nose and sore throat this morning, my eyesight is super blurry, my body aches quite a bit, legs feel heavy and upper arms too. chest feels tight and breathing hurts again, skin feels super dry on my face and hands, and my fingers are super raw feeling this morning, but this has been coming on for a few days now. Yesterday was the first headache I have had since being on the cortisone, it was not super bad, could be due to heat, as it was 38.2C indoors so what was the outdoor in the sun temp. I have had my meds increased, both the Anti-Depressants, as well as cortisone. My mind seems clearer this morning less foggy but don't feel I can do much today.

I at least managed to sleep last night, a welcome rest since I didn't sleep much the night before.

I am going to be taking it easy this weekend, we will be going out to the property to be wet the concret pours so that it does not cure to quickly, as the longer it cures the stronger it will be.

I didn't get much sleep last night, medication causig insomnia, but got up with not much pain, so I decided Ill go plant the corner poles on the "plot"

I didn't get much done in the morning except getting all the tools together. There is no power out on the property, so fueled up Generator, loaded the concrete mixer, level and so on, along with 4 corner poles, then waited till after lunch when the labourer would return.

After lunch we headed out to the property, luckily holes were already dug the previous week. We setup the concret mixer and got to work, thankfully the labourer Jacob was around to do much of the heavy lifting cos I sure couldnt. I was at this point to exhausted already, but we pushed on, and managed to pour the concrete round the posts. 4 Corner posts in, curing. Next week is 8 Stabalizer posts, to help support the corners when straiing the steel wire.

What do they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. I will have to take it easy for a day or 2, sun makes the condition worse and on top of it today our indoor maximum temperature was 38.2C, and I got more than enough of the African sun today. Covering up helps, but still feel scorched eventhough I wet my clothes while I work.. I am super tired, but for some reason switching off is just not happening.

It would seem Im now plagued with the side affects of the cortisone, causing the insomnia. Meds help for the inflamtion, but how does one heal without any sleep, seems its going to be a hard battle, and on top anything I do seems to need to go outdoors into the sun. We will eventually get there, step by step, one foot infront of the other. Slow and Steady.

Again thank you, to each and everyone that has made the contribution we would not be concreting poles yet without your help. Not too long and we will be able to start preparing planting beds.

I have woken up with a little more pain than yesterday, but my mental state is much better this morning for some reason. It may be meds are starting to work, I have quite a bit of gout like pain in my feet, knees and hips, still have tight heavy chest feeling and breathing still sore, but improved slightly from yesterday. It would seem the cortisone is slowly working, I am moving about more easily and moving is less painful. I havn't had a full headache since being on the cortisone, I have had days where it felt it would be starting then went away. My eyesight seems to be a little more stable, and havnt had to wear eye glasses in 3 days, although I probably would benifit wearing reading glasses at the computer.

Thanks to the donations from you all, the we are now going to get some of whats needed, and I hope to have enough energy to be able to concrete the corner poles in the ground in the comming days. We are going out later to make the purchase of the poles.

Thank you again, photos will follow soon

While this morning I felt quite OK, the heat of the day set in 34.5C indoors, and I have quickly depleted energy. I don't have alot of pain, but I really feel bushed, I have little to no energy, and my body is just saying stay put, I have taken an electolyte mix in the hope this will make me feel better. I did manage to get the poles for the corner posts, so I will as energy allows, take out the concrete mixer and start fixing them in place. Again thank you for the contributions, Family, Friends, Friends of familiy, and their friends. It is making a big diffirence in getting the "plot" setup, and ultimatly a little bit of peace where I hopefuly can heal.

Today has started to be quite an OK day, pain is not that bad, with a little down my back going into legs, I still have a tight chest with a squeeze like sensation, my head feels clearer today, the lead like feeling is much lower today, overall I feel much better today. I hope it stays that way through the day.

I am off to the "plot" what we call the agricultural holding today as I have a little work to do on a neighbors property, so will pass by and see what I can do re. the fencing.

I think we have enough now to do complete the fencing, once we start digging the post holes, Ill start taking more pictures. Again thank you to all the contributors, this is putting us on a fast path to get the Agri Plot producing, thus getting me closer to stop doing the stressful ISP work Ive been doing for the last 20 years. The next project after the fencing has been completed will be the provision of power to enable us to run the water pumps.

This will be the home of my new blog, where I will post my upcoming goals, how Ive been feeling health wise, how my general mental state is etc.

I hope to be able to share as much as I can with you all, but this will be a slow process to start everything up.

I will attempt to update regularly. Currently this is a static page, and will be editing the site as my mental state will allow me to concentrate to complete the site, add more images, and improve the aesthetics.

The date today is 09/09/2024:

Today has started to be an OK day, I have been feeling a little feverish, and medium level of fatigue. The heat has been building daily yesterday was over 32C. The heat seems to drain the energy from the body,

I have quite a shakey feeling, if I can try and and describe it, it feels like very cell in the body has a micro vibration, this shakey feeling ends up draining one of energy, and eventually I cant beat the fatigue.

Pain levels today are moderate, which means I can get up and move about albeit slowly and cautiously.

This meant that I could go out to my test garden and check on the state, the Barley crop is comming along quite nicely, not much but the garden will be producing the seed for the next planting. Already with the few ears that have been harvested, we have more seed that what we started with. Since the area (Kalahari Desert) is not a food production area seeds are hard to come by. I managed to get a few seeds from a bag of chicken feed a couple of years back, and grew them out, this then produced my seed starter. I am now going to grow my seed volume, so as to plant on larger scale our agricultural holdings that you all are helping to build.. The test garden is located on our urban lot, where we have been able to grow enough to produce much of our vegitable needs seasonally. At a stage it was producing almost 100% of our vegitable needs. This reduced as I got sicker and was able to do less and less.

	A portion of our production area on our urban lot.
Another Angle a little later in the season.

Growing of food is a high priority for me, as I require good healthy foods, free of pestacides and residues, this is something that is virtually nonexistant in our area, where one doesn't find many organic certified products in stores.

I now have a goal to plant such that I can grow 100% of our vegetables ourselves, using organic controls. We have run into an issue of nematodes, and this we still struggle with. Currenlty we have not been able to find an organic control for this problem. We are attempting solarisation, as well as using heat treatments. It is most likely due to lack of resting, as the size of the lot meant we couldn't rest areas, and we have now started to use other portions of the lot previously used for lawn parking space etc. I now have a shade net tunnel, which produces quite abundantly. It produced in excess of 5kg strawberries over the 2022 season in a 2.5sqm, of which we made jams, syrups, and even wine.

I don't drink, for obvious reasons, my liver being affected by iron overload means that I am alcohol intollerant and I physically get sick when having alcohol...a glass here and there or a taste I can stomach, but can't drink more than that.
Even as a non drinker I am super proud of my attempt at making fruit vino.

The taste of the wine, was reminisant of a semi-sweet rosè, the strawberry notes don't come through all that strong, and I will make a change to the recipe to bring out more strawberry, one suggestion that I had gotten was to put frozen strawberries in secondary.(the second stage where wine is clarifying, and loosing sediment as well as degassing)

Even though it wasn't 100% what I was aiming for, for a first attempt at a strawberry wine, following instinct and not a recipe, and only my 2nd or 3rd attempt at making wine, it turned out very drinkable.

This is one of the many things I do with any excess fruits I get, and I ferment many vegitables or pickle excess.

I will save some of the vegi garden stories for a later post, and I will possibly even make a sub-blog on wine making at home. I am sure followers could easily make a home made wine, that is very drinkable at much cheaper than store bought with no sulphites or preservatives that give the wine the bad rep for hangovers.

Time: 12:55 09/09/2024 (Update on symptoms Im Facing today)

As the day has progressed, the fever has been getting worse, but so has the heat it is now 32C indoors, and I feel absolulty bushed, the feeling of micro vibrations, have gotten worse, my breathing becoming more laboured, and an effort with each breath as it hurts to take a breath, the pain concentrated around the solarplexis area and down the ribs. My eyesight gradually getting blurier as well, other pain today seems to be to lesser degree, still painful.

I have noticed that after taking the cortisone tablets, it gives me the sense of fever, burning eyes associated with the fever, while it reduces the other pains a little, it comes with its down sides too. The leg pains have reduced since being on cortisone, and so too have the back pains, but back is still quite painful.The warmer it gets the more drained Im feeling, don't have much energy to go outdoors, but then again the sun feels like its roasting when I do go outside, Ill rest up till it cools down, and see what later afternoon holds.